Being a celebrity is hard. It takes endurance, strength and most of all, an Olympic-sized ego. It’s a sport as much as any other.

So with that in mind, The Fug decided to put together a list of new Olympic events that Hollywood celebrities could win.

Many celebrities were considered, but only a few could win.

And here they are! The Fug's Celebrity, Gold Medalists.

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Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes
These days, it’s getting harder and harder to tell this couple apart.

Splashing, dunking and even titty twisting...this is not the behavior you'd expect from an eight-time, Olympic swimmer.

Yet it's all here...in graphic, shocking detail.

Following his win in the 100M Butterfly, Phelps not only crosses the line, but also his own swimming lane to taunt and belittle one of the losers.

It's not pretty and it offers shocking proof that America's perfect swimmer may not be so perfect.

Go inside and see the video for yourself.

Let's face it, raising a child is hard, yet some parents face greater challenges than others.

Like that family in India who had a daughter with eight legs and arms, or the other family who had a boy with an ass for a face (click here to see).

Yep, it's pretty scary what can happen once you mix an egg with some sperm. You just never know what might come out after nine months.

In this new video from Picnicface, the comedy troupe takes on the troubling issue of "gigantism" in their own inimitable style.

Go inside and see for yourself. Enjoy!

Yee-ouch! Men do some stupid things.

If you need proof, go inside to see a video of a man trying to kite surf during Storm Fay.

He gets owned and offers more proof, if anybody still needs any, that natural selection works and Darwin was right.

So for those of you that believe in Intelligent Design, here's an argument for Not-So-Intelligent Design.

Because heaven only knows just what the hell this dude was thinking.

Ever since American Pie, every young man has wanted to bag himself a cougar.

It's a chance to learn about sex from a seasoned, slightly saggy older woman, who neither has boundaries nor shame. Hell, she's willing to sleep with a teenager - heaven only knows what the old bag might do.

What could be better?

And now it's possible. Watch the video inside and sign up for an amazing new program that will teach you how to snare the cougar of your dreams.

It will change your life!

Only in America can you sit down at 3am (usually drunk as hell) and kick back to find some of the best comedy on TV.

We're not talking 30 Rock, SNL or some other staged sketch comedy. We are talking about the infomercial.

And the star comedian on the infomercial circuit is none other than Klee Irwin(a man that looks like John Waters), who loves to do nothing more than discuss bowel movements.

Yes, Klee is king of the crapper. He wants to make sure everyone in America gets their crap on and pinches a proper sized loaf. And trust us, he's funny as hell and he doesn't even know it.

Go inside to see Klee talk about his daughter's bowel movement...it's classic comedy.

The video of the day is entitled, Holes. Go inside and see.

It's from Country PBS and it explains in simple terms why God gave us holes and just how to use them.

And that's a valuable public service, since no one wants to stick the wrong thing in the wrong hole, do they?

It's even got a catchy country song. Yeah!

Enjoy! And remember to always use your holes the right way, unless you absolutely know what you are doing and you've got plenty of lubricant.

It is a sad day for America at the Olympics.

Michael Phelps, who seemed unstoppable and virtually unbeatable, has been stripped of all his medals and will no longer be allowed to compete in any more events.

Turns out the acclaimed swimmer had a little extra help in the form of an outboard motor discreetly hidden in his ass.

For weeks we've heard explanations about why Michael is so fast, including his long torso and his remarkable endurance, but during a recent record-breaking swim, a sharp-eyed, Chinese official noticed a strange protrusion in the swimmer's backside.

Times must be getting tight for Radar magazine these days.

They've obviously swapped out their computers for a handy-dandy pair of scissors. Michelle Obama's hair looks so cut out on this cover, they must have gone old-school and literally took a photo, cut her out and pasted it on.

We knew readership was off for Radar, but can't they even afford one designer?

Based on this cover, we can only assume that Radar is now staffed by the editor's children, who are doing their best with scissors and a nice bottle of Elmer's glue.

Cutbacks also must explain the accompanying story which asks such insightful questions as:

The only thing more damaging to a man’s erection – other than a naked picture of Bea Arthur – turns out to be a minivan.

In a recent study, conducted by our own board-certified physician Dr. Immel, it was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Mini Van will take the wood from your woody faster than anything else.

In the study, Dr. Immel took 100 men and split them into two groups of 50. With the first group, he exposed them to all the “known causes” of erectile dysfunction as established by the medical community, such as marijuana, alcohol, drugs, smoking and a heavy dose of prolonged bicycling.